No matter how bad you think you have it, there’s always someone worse off than you. I know of one mamma whose little baby just didn’t sleep much at all. She could often be found wandering the streets at all hours of the night, carrying her crying baby in a sling. There was only so much walking that mamma could do, so when her feet simply wouldn’t carry them anymore she’d take refuge in the swing so it wasn’t unusual for them to be sitting on a swing in a park at 3am, both absolutely exhausted. When I hear stories like that I really feel for those mammas. Sometimes it’s really not easy, the schedule mammahood puts you on it can be really quite disorientating. Honestly, it can be hard to tell the difference between day and night sometimes, especially if you find that your only way to get some sleep is to sleep when your baby sleeps, irrespective of the time of day.
Last Saturday for example … I’d had a total of 4 and a half hours of sleep by the time Joshi woke at 4:30am for a feed, simply because I really wasn’t tired enough to sleep until 12pm the night before. By 5am, after I’d taken him to the potty and fed him, Joshi was sound asleep again … but I was wide awake. Instead of lying in bed counting sheep, I decided to seize the moment and get my yoga and meditation practice in before sunrise. So I did a round of Padma Sadhana (a very beautiful series of yoga poses which you learn on some of the Art Of Living courses) followed by sudarshan kriya and sahaj samadhi meditation. It was fabulous – 1 and a half hours of totally uninterrupted sadhana. Wow. Luxury. At 6:30am when Joshi woke up, I was still in another world, soaking up the after effects of my practice.
And then, well, here’s how things went for the rest of the day …
6:35am – Joshi’s wide awake and wants to play, while I’m starting to get sleepy rather suddenly. And then boom, I’m feeling really tired. I now sooooo want to rest but there’ so no chance of that happening unless I wake up Simon so that he can look after Joshi. So for the next half hour I make several unsuccessful attempts to wake Simon. He’s out for the count. And Joshi is scrambling all over the bed. The more energetic Joshi becomes the more tired I get. After 20 minutes I’m wondering where the match sticks are coz can barely keep my eyes open. Joshi’s now crawling all over the bed and I’m having to catch him over and over again to save him from falling off the edge. He’s also pulling himself up to standing on the headboard and squealing with glee as he does his funny little dance there. Lots of noise at this stage, but still Simon sleeps soundly.
7.05am – Wow. I finally manage to wake Simon. Thank God. As he takes over I close my eyes, with an enormous amount of gratitude oozing out of every part of me. Back to sleep I go. Ahhhhhhh.
9:55am – I wake up from a dream in which I’m fast asleep with Joshi asleep on me in the ergo baby carrier. When I go through to the lounge I find Joshi and Simon fast asleep on the couch (Joshi sound asleep on Simon in the ergo baby carrier).
10:15am – Joshua wakes up. I take him off Simon and send Simon off to bed. For the next three hours I take care of Joshi – ECing him, playing with him, eating home-made avocado nori rolls together and tidying up all the mess almost as fast as he creates it. He’s pulling all the books off the book shelf and so the floor’s covered in books. We so need to move those books.
1:30pm – Simon finally wakes up and has a shower while I prepare lunch.
3.00pm – We decide to go and get some veges, so I grab a couple of nappy liners, (just in case), dress Joshi and we head for the nearest organic store. Everything’s going smoothly until the return journey home when Joshi decides he’s really not happy to be in the car for a moment longer. At this point he starts crying and nothing will calm him. The little tears are streaming down his cheeks with such intensity. It’s so hard to watch. It really breaks my heart. It’s only an eight minute drive home, but it feels like forever when Joshi’s crying. At this point I soooooo want to undo those straps and take him out of that car seat, especially coz I know that the moment I do he’ll stop crying.
4:30pm – We are home at last! By the time we get in we’re all hungry so it’s food time again. To carry our grumbling tummies over till dinner time I make hot rice pudding with rice, organic rice milk, pecan nuts, macadamias, cinnamon, cardamom, raisins and maple syrup. And then it’s time to start thinking about what’s for dinner and I’m thinking “What? Where on earth did the day go? All I’ve done is cook, eat, clean, buy a few groceries and take care of Joshi (oh, and do my practice) … and the day’s gone! It’s a fact – sometimes mammahood days are really disorientating, but you kind of get used to it and learn to flow with the go. Thank God that Simon and I can play tag team. Don’t know how I’d cope otherwise.