Mammahood: A Lesson In Surrendering

Posted on Dec 10 2012 - 10:39am by megganmamma
joshi sleeping on mum

The slumber party’s at our place

Last Sunday we were planning on attending a Christmas tea party down at a really beautiful dam near our home.  It had been in my diary for weeks:  10am,  Sunday 2nd December. I really wanted us to go.  I love being in nature and I’m especially fond of this particular spot because it’s the dam is just gorgeous to swim in.  Plus there’d be some really cool people for us to hang out with, including a few little ones Joshi’s age.  Of course for Joshi’s age group that means ‘I’ve got someone my size whose hair I can pull and who can pull mine … and we can stick our fingers in each others eyes, crawl all over each other and eat as much grass and leaves as we can together. Yum.’

Anyway, leading up to the tea party, Saturday night was a particularly restless night.  There’d been lots of waking – either because we were being eaten alive by mozzies (especially Joshi with his sweet blood, who ended up with 16 bites) or one of us was in need of rehydrating (it had been 38 degrees that day) or to take him to the potty for one of his usual massive night wees.

At 8am on Sunday morning, despite my body’s desire for rest, I got up and cooked.  ‘How mad am I?’ I thought, but look, I was committed to getting us to the dam – come what may!  I can do this.  I can.  I made Amaranth porridge for breakfast, roast pumpkin and kitchery for lunch and sliced up some oranges for snacks.  Between you and me, (reading this next line in a hushed whisper):  I was feeling like a bit of a supermamma.  I packed the picnic bag – food, drinking water, swimming cossies and towels, spare nappy liners, and then showered and dressed  us. Everything was moving forward, and although we were running a little bit late, it still looked like we’d  make it.  By 10am we were almost ready to go.  Oh.  And then.  It suddenly swept over me.  This really. strong. wave. of mammahood fatigue.  And so, I confess, I made a rather smart decision for someone who’s sleep deprived.   Rather than rushing out the door, I decided to first do sudarshan kriya and meditate.  Coz lets face it, when you’re that tired you ain’t got no spare prana to spend on talking.

It felt like such a wholesome decision for that moment.  An hour later I felt super new, totally refreshed, sweetly rejuvenated.  For me, there’s really nothing as effective as kriya and meditation to lift me out of the slumps of mammahood sleep deprivation  and clear that foggy head.  And now, finally, we were truly ready to go!  Yay!  Only thing was, – Joshi was faaaaaast asleep.  So what to do?   D we go anyway and potentially wake a sleeping baby? Well, sometimes I do put a sleeping Joshi in the car and drive to wherever I’m going and he just keeps sleeping.  It can work really well, especially if the destination is a quiet place, but we were headed for a Christmas tea party with lots of spirited little kids.  And if Joshie wakes? – Well, we could have one very tired and grumpy baby on our hands.

Anyway, about 15 minutes later Joshie wakes.  Terrific!  Now we can go!   But hang on, Joshi’s hungry.  Ok, I’ll feed him and then we can go.  Towards the end of his feed, Joshi falls fast asleep in my arms.  He’s gone.  And so is the time – even if we leave now, we’ll reach the dam an hour and a half late.

And this is where it finally happens – that sweet moment of surrender that so deliciously arrives with a very small but significant realisation – I am exactly where I need to be right nowRight here.  On this couch. At home.  With my sleeping baby.   And then every part of me just lets go.  Ahhhhhhhhhhh.   Afterall, there’ll be another Christmas tea party next year.   For now, there’s a slumber party – at our place.

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3 Comments so far. Feel free to join this conversation.

  1. katesurfs December 10, 2012 at 11:57 pm -

    Hmmm… maybe today I should have stayed home 😉

    • megganmamma December 15, 2012 at 9:40 am -

      I just read your blog on your massive day! OMG! Some days are like that. How would we be coping without kriya!xx

  2. prue reid January 23, 2013 at 1:12 pm -

    Meggan, I love your blog on mamma surrender and after four children I have only recently discoverd the same moment you describe. Now I try and find the realisation quicker to remove potential stress. Am still aiming for a Kriya session on a Wednesday evening when my boys are back at school and life settles. Definitely want to catch up and meet Joshi too. So glad you had a baby Meggan, you are such a mumma earth. Prue xx